Trying again

[d in calgary]

Hi everyone. We are getting ready to jump back into the game as soon as possible. For those who don't know our story, it's not a pleasant one. We were pregnant with twins after a successful second IUI/FSH cycle and found out at our 16 week utltrasound that one of them had died and the other was in poor condition. Twin A had passed away at approximately 13-14 weeks and Twin B was diagnosed with Down Syndrome after having an amnio done. Brooke had a major heart defect and it led to her death at 19 weeks.
DH and I had all the chromosonal tests done and they all came back clear, the autopsy report came in Friday and my family doctor said the heart defect was heriditary (sp?). He also said that due to my age, number of losses and my severe diabetes that my odds of having another Down Syndrome baby are 1:40. I highly doubt both of those things so I have a call in to our genetic counseller to find out more. So, if our genetic counseller confirms that our odds are the same as anyone else in our age group, we are going ahead with another IUI/FSH round as soon as possible. If our odds are indeed 1:40 we are done. Can't risk going through that again.
I have an appointment at the fertility clinic in 2 weeks and I'm hoping that she will let me proceed right away, I know some doctors want you to wait longer but with our shi**y history I think best to try soon.
I've never heard of anyone on this site who had a baby diagnosed with Down Syndrome, is there anyone here who has experienced that? We are still in shock, to go from having twins to having nothing is brutal but I do believe that eventually we will get our wish.
All the best,
D

[Christina]

Good to see ya back Dev. Best of luck to you and your dh this time around.

[MrsBritney]

I am so sorry for your loss - I had read your story back then and i was just thinking about you the other day.
I wish you all of the best in your new start and i hope that it all goes well for you...
HUGS
beth

[Sunny]

dev- I'm so happy to see you back on the board! I hope you are able to proceed soon. ;)

[d in calgary]

Thanks girls. I appreciate your thoughts, please keep them coming, I want to be pregnant again more than anything. (As long as the outcome is good.:) )

D

[sweetbabydreams]

D - I'm so happy to see you back here. I was so very sorry to hear about Brooke and her twin, what a terrible loss. But I would be doing exactly what you're doing -- trying again as soon as possible. We are all behind you 100 percent! BIG HUGS!

[d in calgary]

Thanks Jennifer, let's get that BFP together ok? What are your plans for doing another cycle? Are you doing another one right away?

Dev

[sweetbabydreams]

I'd love that, let's go BFP's! I'm currently taking a month off, but I expect AF towards the end of the week, and then I'll squeeze in one more cycle before Christmas. I'm also doing IUI/FSH. What is your time frame?

[qtgrk]

Dev,
Although we haven't posted with each other much in the past, I was sad to hear of the terrible journey you had to go through - I'm sorry about your losses ... but it is great to see that you are back - full spirit and all!

Go fellow Canadian - I will keep sending you the BFP vibe!!

Again, WELCOME BACK!!
Kat

[d in calgary]

I have only had 1 AF since our loss and I have an appointment on Dec 18th with the fertility clinic. Because we are 100% covered for the drugs I want to try again as soon as the clinic lets me. There was talk about my lining not being ready so soon after our loss but they should be able to tell me if I am ok to start. So I am hoping to start the nasal spray right before Christmas and the IUI around second week of January. I want desperately to at least be trying, I feel like I am doing nothing right now, I'm just full of emotions.

D

[sweetbabydreams]

The waiting is just the worst, I know. Feeling like time is passing by, and you're doing nothing. But, if you think about it, you are doing something -- you're healing. Every day your body is working to get itself back in shape to get pg. I imagine by January you'll be more than ready, body and mind. What is the nasal spray? I've never done that one. Just shots. Nasal spray sounds much easier.

[d in calgary]

The way I look at it is, we were supposed to be pregnant right now and getting ready to deliver our babies in the new year so we should be trying. If we were pregnant then we should be pregnant again. It's what we want.
I have never talked to anyone on this site that did the nasal spray, I'm not sure if it is something that only my clinic does? I would start the nasal spray on day 21, apparently it suppresses my system. I would continue it through my AF and then on day 3 I would start my ultrasound and bloodwork. If my estrogen number is ok I decrease the nasal spray from 5 times a day to 3 times a day and continue with daily ultrasounds and bloodwork and start the Puregon injections. I stop the nasal spray the day before the IUI.
I have only done 2 cycles with the Puregon, the first one was last December and I responded very poor. They started me on a very small dose and when they realized I wasn't reponding they bumped up my dose but it was too late. I ended up with only one mature egg and it didn't work. My second cycle I had 6 mature eggs and they almost cancelled me and I ended up pregnant with the twins. I pray that I don't get pregnant with more than one next time, I would be so anxious and nervous if I was pregnant with twins again. So many memories.
Dev

[TryTryAgain]

Hi, Dev! Welcome back!

I think it's fabulous that you're getting a second opinion from another genetic counselor. Even if your odds show that you're at a greater risk for having a child with Down Syndrome, you could do IVF and have PGD done on the embryos. So even if you don't like the odds you're given, there's still a good chance for you to have a healthy pregnancy and healthy babies. Never take no for an answer!

I hope your RE gives you the go-ahead to start trying again soon. Waiting is hell! :p Best of Luck!

[d in calgary]

Try- My genetic counsellor just called, she said my odds are 1:175ish for this to happen again. She also said the autopsy came back and it showed the Down Syndrome and heart defects but they were related to the Down Syndrome not something hereditary as we thought. So, we were the 1 in 285 unfortunately but I guess someone had to be. I just turned 37 last month and my odds instantly went from 1:285 to 1:175, they are still low enough that we have to believe we'll get our healthy baby.

Dev

[TryTryAgain]

Dev -- Those odds seem pretty great to me! I'm so happy for you! I think my risk is even higher than yours, actually. DH and I lost a baby last year at 11 weeks because of a balanced translocation, so we went through loads of screenings and tests. And then with this pregnancy they found bright spots on the baby's heart (soft marker for Down Syndrome). But everything has worked out ... so far.

I'm also thrilled the heart defects were related to the DS for you. That must be a load off your mind ... It was a fluke. A bad throw of the dice. Next time's the charm, I'm sure of it! This is really good. Really good. :)

[CandaceFaith]

Dev - I am so glad to see you back. I am terribly sorry for your losses. I am back on the TTC wagon myself. I lost another baby(very early) last month. I pray for you and your family constantly and hope that very soon you will get that BFP and by Christmas next year will be holding a new little one!

Love to you,

Candace

[d in calgary]

Candace-I am sorry to hear that you had another loss, we can jump back in together. I do believe that by this time next year we will have our babies.

Try-You must have been scared with the bright spots, I am glad that everything has worked out with your pregnancy.

Dev

[sweetbabydreams]

D, that is great news from the genetic couselor! Does that relieve your mind a bit? 1:197 is a lot better than 1:40. And you're right, you got pg on only your second IUI, so I'm sure you will get pg again, and this time the odds will be on your side. I really admire you for getting right back into it. I'm going to ask my RE about that nasal spray. I'll try anything!

Try, you are about to give birth, aren't you?? I've been keeping track of you on the PG over 36 thread, but I've been too bummed to post there. But I'm thinking about you!!! Any day now, I can't wait to hear your birth story.

Candace, I'm so sorry for your loss as well. I truly hope this next cycle is the one that will stick. I know how demoralizing early losses can be. Hang in there!

[d in calgary]

You are right, the odds are in my favour. I did do quite a few IUIs with Clomid and Femera but they never worked. I guess I needed the big guns. When DH and I found out we were 100% covered for the drugs we couldnt believe it, it helps tremendously as you know how expensive they are.
My husband is confident that our first cycle back at the clinic will work, I wish I had his confidence but I am hopeful. I just want this year to be over and move onto something better.
Dev

[karbipbaby]

Dev, It's good to see you back. You have been through so much, good for you for pursuing your dream.

[blakris]

Hi Dev! I am so happy to see you back and with that great attitude you always have. I'm happy you heard from the genetic counselor and your odds are even lower! I am wishing you the best and can't wait to follow your progress!! We miss you!

[Nechomah]

Oh Dev, I'm so happy you're back, and happy that you're trying again. I truly pray that you will be granted your wish of a healthy baby. Your loss was so devastating, you must be an incredibly strong woman and want a baby so much to be willing to go thru the ups and downs of TTC again especially since you will need help and that is such a roller coaster even without your history. I hope this go-round is much easier for you. Now that the docs know that you responded poorly in the past, but do better with the proper dosage, hopefully the conception end will go easily (one cycle would sure be nice).

I am concerned, as I am sure you are, about the diabetes tho. I remember that your docs seemed to blow you off about your concerns early on. Of course it was holiday time and that made things difficult, but who is to say that the timing won't be similarly bad (for doctors appointments/offices being closed and such) this time around. I want you to make sure that you get top notch care as far as this issue goes this time to make sure you are on the diabetic diet from the minute you get your BFP (and that's in a 5-6 weeks, right?). I have a neighbor who had an early loss due to her diabetic situation as well. They can't even do the sugar test on her because of her sensitivity. So just be CAREFUL.

Again, I'm so happy you're back. Keep us all posted of your progress. We're all here rooting for you.

[d in calgary]

Karbipbaby and Blakris-Thanks for the well wishes. Blakris, I miss you guys too but it is too hard for me to go to the pregnant board. Hope you understand. I do check in on you guys though.
Nkochma-Nice to hear from you. I am trying to be strong and positive, it is not always easy but I have to move on. Brooke is gone and I need to move forward full speed. No sense sitting around here feeling sorry for myself, although I do at times. Regarding the diabetes, I have insulin, strips and a monitor to test myself at home. My fridge is stocked with insulin and the diabetes clinic has said to see them the second I get a BFP. I will be testing my blood at home many times a day as soon as I have my IUI done. Better safe than sorry. I am well aware of the complications that can arise due to uncontrolled levels early in pregnancy and i will be testing like a maniac. I have more support now that we have lost the twins, and I think the medical community realizes that perhaps I am high risk after all. Shame it took this for them to realize but I do believe that I will be looked after next time. And hopefully there will be a next time.
Still have not heard from anyone who has had a Down Syndrome baby, I feel alone in that regard.
Dev

[blakris]

Dev-I completely understand! I'm just happy you are back!

[Gwensmom]

Dev - So good to see you back and your spirits sound so much better. I completly understand your desire to get pregnant again, and with your odds I think you should go for it full steam ahead! I pray for you and think of you and your little Brooke and her twin often. Sounds like you are doing as well as you really can be after such a tragedy...brighter days are ahead for you. Much love,

Becky

[d in calgary]

Becky-Hi girl. My spirits are better, I have my moments but what can a person do but try to be positive about the future. I cannot feel sorry for myself or I cant move on.
How are you doing, are you holding out on testing or will you POAS soon.
Dev

[Gwensmom]

Dev - Those moments of course will come, but having such an optimistic outlook on your bright future is only going to help to make those moments easier to bear. I plan to poas Wednesday. I am getting pretty anxious and overanalyzing too much. Alas, TTC at it's best! Can't wait until you are back on this crazy ride again. Much love,

Beck

[d in calgary]

Becky-I am dying to know if you are pregnant, are you holding off until tomorrow? I hope you get a BFP, I'll be thinking positive thoughts for you tonight.
We have our counselling appointment tomorrow morning and the annual candle lighting ceremony for angel babies is tomorrow night. I asked my son if he would like to go and he said no, I was disappointed but I can't force it. I am not going to bring it up again with him, this has been difficult for him to understand. I guess I either go by myself or don't go at all as I don't have a sitter.
Dev

[Gwensmom]

I wish I was near you Dev, I would totally go with you to the service. We went in May to the rememberance service at Gwen's hospital. It was very emotional, but a special service and I am very glad that I did go. Do you have a close friend or family member that could go with you if DH needs to be with DS? Do what feels right to you. You can sit in the back and leave at any time if you wish. There is no right or wrong...there is just what YOU want...

xo

I am holding out hope for tomorrow, though so very anxious....

[d in calgary]

Becky-I wouldn't feel comfortable going with anyone else, definately not DH's family, and the only friend that I would love to take has a brand new baby and I doubt she would be able to leave for a couple of hours. I don't want to bother her. I'm not sure I could handle going anyways, it would be so emotional and I don't know that I want to get all upset. It's hard enough going to the counselling sessions.
I hope you get good news tomorrow,
Dev
p.s.-I saw pics of your dog on the other thread, too cute.

[Gwensmom]

Dev - I completely understand not feeling up to going alone....I know I wouldn't have been able to go alone back in May either. Also, our service was nearly 6 months after Gwen's birth, so I had had more time to heal. So counseling is difficult? What a silly question for me to ask, I am married to therapist! :) He actually flunked out of ours...he couldn't handle sitting on the other side of the couch for a change. lol I do still go, but only about once a month. I seem to go more for just whole life issues...not just to talk about our losses. Have you gotten any response to the Down Syndrome question? I am sure you can find (too much) information on the internet...it would be nice to have a person to talk to though that has been through something similar. I hope you find someone who will calm any anxieties you may have about trying again.

Yes, my bella girl is a cute pooch! We love her and she really has been our baby (for the past 2.5 years). She is high maintenance, so full of energy, but we love that about her.

Take care,
Becky

[d in calgary]

Becky-I'm sorry to hear that you didn't get your BFP this month but I'm sure you will be starting the new year with one. You have such a great attitude, keep it up.
I have not heard from anyone regarding the Down Syndrome on this site but I do post on another site regularly with women who have had chromosonal problems with their pregnancies. Many sad stories. I actually read yesterday of a woman who lost her son at 22 weeks a little over a year ago and she was 36 weeks pregnant with a daughter and last week she was born still. I couldn't believe it when I read it. Poor woman, how awful to have that happen after everything she's been through. We lost a son in 1995 around 17-18 weeks and I sometimes get feeling sorry for myself wondering why me again. I don't have the answers but have to believe that I will get a healthy happy baby some day.
Anyways, wishing the best for you in the new year. I myself can't wait for this one to be over. It was a roller coaster of a ride.
Dev